From A Selected Work History
Gordon College: Residential
Assistant—1996-1997
Pay: Housing stipend
Duties: Dorm Counselor for a Christian
College. Responsibilities included: patrolling the halls to confirm
there were no women in the men's dorm room and having deep and intense
conversations about Jesus in the showers with nude, well-built Christian freshmen who'd
stare into my eyes with such ferocity that I cursed my poor
peripheral vision.
Reason for Leaving: Got gay, lost my
“christian leadership” scholarship. Also, there were more
violations of the no-women-in-men's-dorm rule on my shifts than any
other Residential Assistant. Still not sure how that happened.
Talk America Sales—1998
Pay: $6/hr+Commission ($6.05/hour)
Duties: Inbound sales associate for a
telemarketing firm under investigation by 11 states attorneys-general
for marketing a hair-replacement vibrating hairbrush which would
cause scalp-bleeding and did not replace hair. But I did not sell
the hairbrush; I sold Protein PowerTM , a 6-cassette
Atkins-derived weight loss program which was guaranteed to help you
lose weight or your money back (we had no return department).
Reason for Leaving: The Quality
Assurance team recorded me repeatedly comforting mid-western women
whose husbands had left them on account of their obesity, assuring
them they probably didn't need that man anyway and besides, the
cassettes were $149.99 and most of them wanted to an installment
plan, which we did not offer.
I was escorted from the premises by
two big security guards, marched through the “top-sellers” room
(they had a window) where I averted by eyes from their triumphal
faces to their desks where the latest copies of Awake! and The
Watchtower were proudly displayed.
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